Wisdom For Our Time
Great bits of wisdom for our time:
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house,”
Lewis Grizzard
“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
Jeff Foxworthy
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams
“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”
Bob Ettinger
“I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’”
Richard Jeni
“In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?”
Warren Hutcherson
“Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”
Oscar Wilde
“Suppose you were an idiot… And suppose you were a member of Congress…But I repeat myself.”
Mark Twain
“Ah, yes, divorce……., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet,”
Robin Williams
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
Billy Crystal
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Author Unknown
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
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