What Is A Grandparent?
What Is A Grandparent?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.
A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on ‘cracks.’
They don’t say, ‘Hurry up.’
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don’t have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like ‘Why isn’t God married?’ and ‘How come dogs chase cats?’
When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a Grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack time before bed time and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.
A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. ”OH,” HE SAID, ”SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE’RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.”
GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH ! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON’T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!
It’s funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
what is a grandparent
New Soup For You
Here is a new soup for you.
Available soon at a “re-distribution” center near you . . .
delicious when served with “ACORN” squash!
WARNING: Consumption may have a need for “Joe the Plumber”!
If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
You Are Part Of The Problem
new soup for you
The Importance of Walking
The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 “seasoned” years to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he’s “seasoned” at 97 years and we don’t know where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,……
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get more “seasoned”, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
importance of walking
Little Girl On A Plane
Little Girl On A Plane
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.
OK, ‘ she said.. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass -.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea….’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?
Little Girl On A Plane Little Girl On A Plane Little Girl On A Plane
You May Be A Taliban IF…
Our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve retained their sense of humor with the following.
YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon ‘unclean’.
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve ever uttered the phrase, ‘I love what you’ve done with your cave.’
10. You have nothing against women (and think every man should own at least one).
11. You bathe at least monthly (whether necessary or not).
12. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF
Lost In A Hot Air Balloon
Lost In A Hot Air Balloon
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”
hot air balloons hot air balloons hot air balloons
Leadership And Currency
America has a rich tradition putting our most honored leaders on its currency.
During the brief existence of the U.S., our country has celebrated many great accomplishments.
We often memorialize these accomplishments by putting one of our leaders on our currency.
Click here or on the $100 bill above to see a brief example of some of these leaders.
leadership and currency leadership and currencyleadership and currency leadership and currency
Friends
Friends are for A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
Here is the rest of the story…
friends friends friends friends
Why Boys Need Parents
Have you ever wondered why boys need parents?
This is for those mother’s of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older. And anyone else who needs a laugh.
Here is a brief movie that tells the story. Unfortunately it is too big to post here so click here to see it.
And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like…
1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
Click here to read 24 more interesting things about boys…
boys need parents boys need parents boys need parents
Two Quarters or A $1.00 Bill?
This is a very cute story about a young boy who was offered two quarters or A $1.00 Bill.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’
The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!’
Never underestimate anyone!
More Funny Stories
Two Quarters or A $1.00 Bill?
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